Postpartum: getting back to "normal"

As a surrogate, the most common question received is, "Won't it be hard giving up the baby?"

Simply stated, "No. Not at all."

I can only speak from my experience, but I think most other surrogates agree that this couldn't be less difficult.

The mindset is completely different for this child and their family. The application process, matching with the IPs, medical screening, drugs, transfer, pregnancy. It is all for this new family. Conscious decisions are made and they are all so this couple can have the family they've been dreaming about and working for.

When delivery day came, I felt guilty that Michael and Jason wouldn't be able to make it to the birth of their little girl. I hated making that FaceTime call. As soon as Bunny was born, my husband, Justin, was at the warming cart taking photos and video to send to the new dads before their flight. After she was bundled up, Justin held her and it was reminiscent of the birth of our son. I was afraid Justin was beginning to become attached, which worried me. Then, he looked up at me, smirked and said, "We get to go home and sleep after this!" I laughed and knew he was back in reality.

I have to give Michael and Jason the highest complement: they are awesome dads. The anxiety and awkwardness of typical new parents didn't show. Besides Thea's beautiful wardrobe of dresses, it couldn't have been more clear how much love (and spoiling) this little girl is in for. I enjoyed the two weeks they were here and was happy to be a part of it all. It was priceless to see the family bonds form.

Dempsey and I met them at the airport to pick up the car seat they had borrowed from a co-worker (it really does take a village!). I was so nervous to see them go. In all honesty, I didn't want to meet them. I didn't want to cry in front of them. I knew I would be a mess and I didn't want them to remember me like that; I didn't want that to be my "goodbye."

At the end of our adventure, saying goodbye to the baby was easy. I was sad to say goodbye to her dads. For almost a year, our entire relationship was because of this wonderful baby girl. The contract, the transfer, the heartbeat confirmation, the sonogram and first meeting with Michael and Jason, the emails, the Skype and FaceTime calls and eventually the birth. All for her. And while I'm quite fond of her, I'm very fond of her parents and the relationship we have built. Surrogacy brought a farm girl from the middle of the US and a couple from the United Kingdom together - in what other world would we have ever met?

While they are thankful beyond words to me and mine for our help with their family, I'm ever gracious to them. They were always so kind and respectful to me and my family and I can't thank them enough for letting me experience their joy. Justin even said, "We won the lottery with them." I love my photo updates of Thea and am so excited to see a new e-mail from her dads.

So, at the fork in our road, I hugged each of them as they dragged their excessive baggage to the airport terminal. We kept it short and sweet. Luckily, my sunglasses helped me appear to be keeping it together. As I drove away, I turned up my Pop Hits and Technotronic iTunes radio station and tried to sing and shoulder dance to entertain my toddler. Tears fell to commemorate the end of a chapter in my life, but I hold so much excitement to have the opportunity to see them as a family.

Little known fact

This is the real reason our pregnancy stuck...

THAT will make the embryo stick!

In all honesty, as soon as I got up there, I thought, "WHAT AM I DOING! I am supposed to be taking it easy!" and immediately went and laid down.

I had a check up last Monday at 27 weeks. I passed the glucose test with flying colors, just as I knew I would. I did make the mistake of eating a huge "farm girl" breakfast before deciding to down my orange sugar juice. I was terrified I was going to vomit on the way to the doctor's office. Did you know you have to drink another one if you can't keep it down? What torture!

I gained 5 pounds, to which my amazing nurse quickly stated, "Oh my! She's gone through quite the growth spurt!" What a smart woman.

We also set the induction date! April 14 is delivery day! Michael and Jason have already {and excitedly} booked their flights and started packing. 

Michael pointed out that there were only 12 weeks left. I asked him how that made him and Jason feel: "Terrified!" I thought that was a laughable moment. Mainly, because it is completely NORMAL!  

12 weeks left!

Tap Dancer

 

I was in denial for a while.

It's undeniable now; Bunny is kicking or tap dancing like a Riverdance girl.

My OB told me I have a posterior placenta (meaning it's attached at the back of my baby tank) so it would be a little longer before I could feel her really clogging around (my words, not hers).  At 20 weeks, let it be written, she made her presence known.








At 21 weeks, she is about 10.5 inches long and weighs just a little less than a pound. I'm still not that big out front, but definitely fitting well into my maternity clothes. The cold Kansas weather lets my bulky pea coat hide the extra me. That makes picking Dempsey up from daycare a lot easier without any extra questions about reserving an extra space for the Young family.

Hopefully I can get the Bellybuds out this week and start some Baby Mozart jam sessions. For those of you that don't know, Bellybuds are little speakers you stick to your growing belly to play music or other audio. I got them as a gift with my son and I think they are great. Dempsey is quite the music connoisseur and at age two enjoys Call Me Maybe, Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus (referred to as "the broken girl...)... but only if these artists are singing with Jimmy Fallon (truth be told, he really loves Jimmy Fallon).

Our goal with Bellybuds this go-round, is to have Michael and Jason record their voices to play to Bunny. I've heard that Alice in Wonderland is currently in production. Until then, she'll be listening to Baby Mozart, the Lumineers, Mumford and Sons... and maybe Katy Perry... Or Jimmy Fallon if Dempsey has anything to say about it!

Could it get any better?

Michael and Jason were absolutely fabulous.

In the words of my husband (ye of little words), "They're good people."

While the visit was short, I think we jammed as much conversation in as possible in the day we had together. I had a headache from all the laughing by the end of the day, so I popped a Tylenol and chugged a water to cut it before dinner. It worked and dinner was great. I saw a look cross Justin's face as we went to a barbecue place and he was the only one that ordered barbecue. Truth be told, America's portion sizes are quite large, so Justin was really the only one that was hungry by the time we went to dinner.

Ironically, there were two [BRAND NEW] gay dads, just a table away, celebrating the new family member with their friends and family. I think it made the evening even more surreal. The scan made the idea of that little gummy bear (now looking much more like a Whippet or Greyhound - such a long spine...) REALLY REAL. Bunny moved, even shook that little booty, quite the dancer. The hospital tour was great, and my glances to Michael and Jason revealed excitement and terror all wrapped into one. We really are fortunate to be working with such an accommodating hospital.

I'm kicking myself for not getting any pictures of us together. I'm sure I could photoshop something together, but I just don't have the flair for that kind of buffoonery today. That means I will just have to snap that many more photos in April.

In case any of you were wondering, Bunny is a little girl! This will make pulling off a nickname like, Bunny a lot easier!


Congrats, Michael and Jason!

One More Day

Michael and Jason are in the air as I type.

By tomorrow we will have already been through our hospital tour and found out if Bunny will wear pink or blue (and tons of yellow and white).

Can you believe it?!?!

Building Anticipation

I've been a slacker in the blogosphere.

My apologies. I've been busy in the rest of my lifeosphere.

I've started my Master's. Finally. Now, in two years, I might be able to get a job where I can use, at least, one of my degrees. Maybe.

Michael and Jason are officially 17 weeks pregnant. CRAZY! Where has the time gone? I've been getting lost in the lull of no news is good news.

I unpacked old and purchased a few new maternity clothes. I don't know if I wore these with Dempsey, but I've got to fit them in to my winter wardrobe; maybe with tights. Aren't they beautiful?

I really wish I could have snapped a pic of the khaki pants that were in my second-hand tote (surely my sister didn't REALLY wear these horrid things). I STRONGLY DISLIKE khaki's because they've never been nice at accentuating my rump. But the maternity khaki's take it to a new level of figure abuse... it's just plain mean.

In any case, I'm happy I will be enjoying Thanksgiving in some awesome stretchy pants. Maybe, I'll even let Justin borrow them. Just for lunch.

NEXT WEEK Michael and Jason will be flying over the pond to see their baby wiggle on the ultra sound screen! Oh, and of course, we'll find out if there is a he or a she residing in the baby tank. I've got my own suspicions, I'll let everyone else spend the next week guessing.

8 Weeks

Uneventful is good.

This week I get to skip the doctor's office. All of my hormone levels and ultra sounds have been superb, so I get a break this week... at least from the doctor's office.

The due date for our little gummy bear is April 20, 2014, which just happens to be Easter. Baby shall from now on be referred to as, "Bunny."

I'm sure Bunny is growing like a champ in that baby tank. Am I starting to "show," you ask? NO! I'm a healthy woman... you'll have to wait a while for any noticeable bump to form.

Food aversions have mellowed as well as some of my nauseous tendencies. I seem to get really hungry, and then hardly eat any of my lunch. Considering I could be "losing my lunch," my appetite is hardly anything to complain about. Justin is already becoming worried about sympathy weight...

I set up my appointment with my own OBGYN (HIGHLY recommended by my new-mom neighbor). It's still a couple of weeks away, but I will consult with her before finishing my monitoring appointments. Jason and Michael are waiting on pins and needles for an ultrasound date, so they can make travel arrangements. Needless to say, that will be the first question I ask.

Lucky

Sometimes I forget to stop and be thankful.

I started my adventure at the end of April. Matched with the intended parents in May. Screened in June. Started medication in July. Transferred August 2nd and officially pregnant on August 15.

That is amazing.

Do a quick Google search of "Surrogacy success rates." Let me know if you get a direct answer. 

At best, surrogates and intended parents are hoping for a 50% chance at success. HOPING FOR 50% - did you see that?

Being a part of surrogacy support group has been a great opportunity for me. While my partner and family are very supportive, there are some things that you want to share with your surrogate family. They cheer you on for appointments, blood work and pregnancy tests. They also sympathize with you for thin lining, negative pregnancy tests and sometimes, at the very worst of things, surrogacy denial from doctor and agency.

It is hard to revel in a victory when one of your surro-sisters is agonizing after her second failed transfer. It is hard to celebrate the stars aligning for a perfect outcome when one of your surro-sisters was just banned from surrogacy from something she couldn't control - her body's reaction to meds.

That being said, I find myself moving my state of mind back to cautious. I am so thankful that our journey has been so seamless, but I would be lying if I said I'm not nervous. 

Can things possibly stay this perfect? 

YES; surely, they can. 

Lines Don't Lie

I'm staying positive.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but things are looking pretty good!

As you can imagine, Jason and Michael are ecstatic. I think it made the two week wait a bit more bearable.

My mom tried to tell my dad the good news, but my dad heard, "Morgan chewed on a stick and it was positive." I can imagine the confusion that ensued.

The beta test is Thursday. They will do a blood draw to confirm a pregnancy. I'll be completely honest, I don't exactly know what  a "beta test" is and I don't know what the numbers mean. I will find out and report back.

Keep positive thoughts coming our way!

We Have a Transfer Date!

August 2!

I sent Jason and Michael this message:

 I finished the note telling them they needed to call their mothers at their earliest convenience.
Jason replied back very quickly with:

 I literally have trouble containing a huge smile every time Jason uses, "OMG." I love that reaction; it makes him seem so candid and boyish. I love it.
And here is Michael's reaction:

I laughed out loud in my cubicle at work. "Restrained Brits," such an image to upkeep... :D


It is barely more than a month away and it seems so far away!  I was excited, but their excitement sent me over the top and should carry me through the rest of the week, at least.

My Journey Coordinator

I met my journey coordinator today.

She is the third "go-to" person I've had at Circle and will be my journey "overseer" for the rest of our adventure.

We went over all of the upcoming paperwork and generalized time lines. I hung up thinking my notes were still a little hazy with the details. She speaks very quickly. As I reflect I have to smile as this thought pops into my head. If I had trouble keeping up with her New England accent, I wonder how my London IPs did.

That thought deepened. Somehow, Americans went from having their British accents, mutating to an Eastern accent, and then continuing to evolve across the US with such different dialects.

In just 15 days Justin and I will be flying out for our medical clearance. I'm sure time will fly. Maybe I should start packing now...

Mother's Day 2013

I think Hallmark and the jewelry companies create an unreal concept of most holidays.

The commercials are great and smooshy gushy. Every woman gets diamonds or at the very least, a macaroni necklace.

Dempsey and Justin

Justin worked late every night of the weekend and again today. Since I insisted on napping with my little guy, I was able to stay awake long enough to have a brief conversation with Justin. He handed me my card, which was sweet (even though I insist on him making me a card) and was excited about the iTunes gift card stuck to the back.

Before departing for bed, he asked me to run downstairs to grab his phone off the computer because he was too tired. I hopped downstairs and shouted up to him, "Where is it?" As I tally all of the junk and absent phone from the computer desk, I notice a gift bag. As I peek in, (because I'm a snooper like my mother) I notice an iPad box. I look up and notice that Justin has now stealthily descended the stairs and is goggling my reaction, which was, of course, "You have to take it back. It's too much." After explaining that I "needed" it for all the upcoming traveling and that it also got him off the hook for our anniversary, I opened it and started playing/inspecting; he got me a pink case. He did good. It kind of makes me feel bad for scolding him when he talks to our son with trashy grammar or teaches him a new obnoxious party trick. Almost. It also made me appreciate how "deep" he thinks. Of course he only does that when I'm not around...

As for Sunday, the day set aside to pamper mothers, it was a nice day. I made Justin take us out for brunch (and then thanked him for being so thoughtful ;)...) and after Dempsey and I had our nap and Justin was off to work, I made this little gem:
I got a little lazy with the mosaic and still need to do a few more steps, but my flowers were getting sad and crunchy. They seem happy in their new home. Also, I make a succulent pot that needs to find it's way to my work, but will probably thrive on our sun porch.

I should have an update with my intended parent profile soon!  

Speaking with the Social Worker

I had my phone meeting with the social worker on Monday. It was a two-hour phone conversation that wasn't quite what I expected.

My expectations:
"It's going to be a great two-hour conversation that flows effortlessly, where I really connect with this woman and she really gets me. We'll laugh and she'll want to be my new best friend."

How it actually went:
-I dropped her call once and then accidentally hung up on her several more times (my face likes to push buttons on my phone).
-She was typing while I spoke, so there would be semi-long pauses of silence.
-She asked me about my childhood. I mentioned the farm and said that I was very active in 4-H. I then had to explain what 4-H was. I've never known anyone that didn't know about that organization... Do you know how nerdy and country one sounds when briefly explaining 4-H? Very nerdy and pretty dang country.
-She asked me to describe Justin. Did I tell her that I think he is smart, tries to be funny, a practical jokester, a great dad, a huge sports enthusiast? No. I murmured a resounding, "Ummm" and then spat out that he works a lot and doesn't do the laundry near often enough. Sounds dreamy, doesn't it? Hopefully I made up for my lack-luster answer when she asked how we met.

Justin has his phone meeting today. He has threatened to make jokes. I begged him not to. I told him that the social worker probably wouldn't think his jokes were funny and turn us down. I know I'm getting too worked up - I know he's not a loose cannon. BUT, I have had to tell him, "I am recording a video. Please don't make any stupid jokes, mention body parts or use any profanity."

The Adventure Begins

I'm on the cusp of being "approved" from the screening process. Barring the psychologist confirming me crazy or my husband saying something incredibly embarrassing about me during the interview with the social worker that would send up a red flag, I think I'm good to go. Note: he will say something that I deem as embarrassing, but I don't think it will be anything damning...

I'm past the stage that requires me to refresh my gmail account every 5-10 minutes with hopes of a reply or a new "to do" list.

Now I wait.

From what I've noticed, many surrogacy blogs begin a little too late to really understand what the beginning of the "process" entails.

Let me tell you.

Last Monday night, April 22, I applied with Circle Surrogacy (a very long application, by the way). By Tuesday night, my junk folder had been notified that I was accepted for pre-screening. I found out on Wednesday when Jeni, the surrogacy coordinator, called me. Do you know that feeling when the blood in your body stops and turns cold and a bit tingly? That's what I felt when I saw I missed a phone call from an unfamiliar number. It was unfamiliar, but I knew, generally, who it was. 

I will now condense what I experienced and the preliminary process until now:

• 4/24 - Phone meet and greet with the surrogacy coordinator. Sent family pictures, copy of DL and insurance.  

• 4/25 - Sent completed a welcome packet (similar to the initial application but with releases for med. records) AND won the "most organized" status for the day (just let me brag a little, I rarely receive that prize...). 

• 4/26 - I then was tasked with an insurance application with the agency my OB clearance form. 

• 4/29 - Mailed my personal insurance booklet to HQ.

• 4/30 - Appointment with OB. "You're cleared! Oh, but I stopped delivering babies..." That is not necessarily a direct quote, but you get the picture. So, I've been cleared by my [former] doctor. Next...

• 5/1 -  Waiting on prenatal records. Chatted with Jeni. Picked her brain. She is so much easier to get information out of than those surrogacy forums... Also, she told me I should probably  definitely tell my parents as quickly as possible. Planned visit with parents

• 5/2 -  Told my boss about this ensuing adventure. Positive feedback. She even teared up a bit. 

• 5/3 - Social worker phone interview set. Justin and I will both complete this. My interview will be 2-2.5 hours.  Justin's will be about half an hour... Apparently, guys have far less to say.

So, I am now in the screening phase. I will speak to the social worker who will create a profile for me and my family. I will, at some point in the near future, complete a psychological exam via Skype with a psychologist from MA, HQ for the agency. I will then get matched with my intended parents. My IPs.

Nervous?    A little bit.

About injections, IFV, meeting the IPs? No

About raising the blood pressure, stress and anxiety levels of my parents? Yes. Definitely.