Postpartum: getting back to "normal"

As a surrogate, the most common question received is, "Won't it be hard giving up the baby?"

Simply stated, "No. Not at all."

I can only speak from my experience, but I think most other surrogates agree that this couldn't be less difficult.

The mindset is completely different for this child and their family. The application process, matching with the IPs, medical screening, drugs, transfer, pregnancy. It is all for this new family. Conscious decisions are made and they are all so this couple can have the family they've been dreaming about and working for.

When delivery day came, I felt guilty that Michael and Jason wouldn't be able to make it to the birth of their little girl. I hated making that FaceTime call. As soon as Bunny was born, my husband, Justin, was at the warming cart taking photos and video to send to the new dads before their flight. After she was bundled up, Justin held her and it was reminiscent of the birth of our son. I was afraid Justin was beginning to become attached, which worried me. Then, he looked up at me, smirked and said, "We get to go home and sleep after this!" I laughed and knew he was back in reality.

I have to give Michael and Jason the highest complement: they are awesome dads. The anxiety and awkwardness of typical new parents didn't show. Besides Thea's beautiful wardrobe of dresses, it couldn't have been more clear how much love (and spoiling) this little girl is in for. I enjoyed the two weeks they were here and was happy to be a part of it all. It was priceless to see the family bonds form.

Dempsey and I met them at the airport to pick up the car seat they had borrowed from a co-worker (it really does take a village!). I was so nervous to see them go. In all honesty, I didn't want to meet them. I didn't want to cry in front of them. I knew I would be a mess and I didn't want them to remember me like that; I didn't want that to be my "goodbye."

At the end of our adventure, saying goodbye to the baby was easy. I was sad to say goodbye to her dads. For almost a year, our entire relationship was because of this wonderful baby girl. The contract, the transfer, the heartbeat confirmation, the sonogram and first meeting with Michael and Jason, the emails, the Skype and FaceTime calls and eventually the birth. All for her. And while I'm quite fond of her, I'm very fond of her parents and the relationship we have built. Surrogacy brought a farm girl from the middle of the US and a couple from the United Kingdom together - in what other world would we have ever met?

While they are thankful beyond words to me and mine for our help with their family, I'm ever gracious to them. They were always so kind and respectful to me and my family and I can't thank them enough for letting me experience their joy. Justin even said, "We won the lottery with them." I love my photo updates of Thea and am so excited to see a new e-mail from her dads.

So, at the fork in our road, I hugged each of them as they dragged their excessive baggage to the airport terminal. We kept it short and sweet. Luckily, my sunglasses helped me appear to be keeping it together. As I drove away, I turned up my Pop Hits and Technotronic iTunes radio station and tried to sing and shoulder dance to entertain my toddler. Tears fell to commemorate the end of a chapter in my life, but I hold so much excitement to have the opportunity to see them as a family.

Parent Edition: a note from the new dads

...and quite an accomplishment it was too!

We arrived to see our wonderful surrogate and her family and our new family there too in the cot by the door! We had spent the last 24 hours flying from London to New York to Chicago and finally to KS. We arrived a day after the main event, which we understand was peppered with charming expletives. We asked if we could pick her up....it was so alien to us that this was it and we were dads. 

And how wonderful to be dads slowly beginning to seep in.

Morgan's son had consoled our little bunny by telling her that it was ok, they would find her daddies when she cried and here we were. At last with our new love in our arms. We stayed at the hospital one night and in KS two more weeks. We had all the paper work done in a week, but enjoyed the time with our little bundle so much we didn't want to return to the real world. Jason also had to catch up on Honey boo boo and Dance Moms!

We are back now with no Morgan to support us, we had a scare when we found she had developed a rash to some horrid clothes some distant aunt bought her (straight to the bin), we had a breeze through customs on her US passport with a very excited border guard who's first words when we approached the counter was "Surrogate?" then "Congratulations!" and we have managed to register Thea at the local GP (oh dear how different the UK health service appears in comparison). 

We have had lots of visitors but we are still making sure there is plenty of time for just the three of us....every day brings a joy, every day we are grateful to Morgan and our egg donor Amanda!

x