Hush

I'm not feeling the effects of a hormonal roller coaster as I anticipated.

I am, however, on this Monday morning, wanting everyone to not talk to me. Just walk on by.

It may be hormonal, it may just be my natural self (I'm not known for my sparkling personality in the a.m.).

Side note - I did lose my pancakes yesterday morning... I thought it was just a sugar overload, but now that I think about it... it may not be coincidence.

I have my second monitoring appointment on Wednesday, which I'm pretty excited about. Hopefully, my blood draw will be a little less painful this time. I will chug some H2O to expand those tiny little veins.

Until then... enjoy some silence.

Monitored and Medicated

I got my package of medication last week.

As I unpackaged it, it was starting to become a little more "real." I will really be taking this little pill 3x daily and enjoying that suppository 2x daily.

Dempsey has aquired the top of the cooler and likes to use it as a 3 inch step stool.

Do you know how many things are out of reach until he's added 3 inches to his height + arm length? A lot.

It doesn't seem like much, but there are three of those Crinone boxes. So far, I'm thankful I haven't had to deal with the shots. A pill is so much easier to swallow.

I had my first monitoring appointment yesterday. They said my lining was looking just as it should and that my ovaries were, "nice and quiet."

I have started my oral medication today. I've only taken one pill, but I seem to be "normal" so far. It is a relative term, though...

Yoga: My Zen

I haven't even started my hormone therapy and I'm already hormonal.

Thankfully, I have the opportunity to de-stress with an hour of yoga on my lunch break a few times a week. I think this will be my saving grace throughout the pre-pregnancy stage, as well as the actual duration of the pregnancy.

I have my first monitoring appointment tomorrow! That means I will go in to a local fertility clinic to have them poke and prod me (i.e. v. ultrasound and maybe a blood test) and I will then start my fertility pills. More details on that to come!

Spoiler alert: Jason and Michael have picked a name for their precious little baby! I can't bring myself to divulge such information yet, though... you'll just have to check back in later!

Counting it down

In one month from today, I will be attending my "readiness" appointment prepping for an embryo transfer!

This is my last "drug-free" week. I will be getting my medication in a couple of days.

The good news about my fertility drugs: I don't have to use any needles. I would have been okay with needles; I had already lined up my administering volunteers.

The other news about my fertility drugs. I have two pills. One will be taken orally. One will not. I will leave most details to your imagination, but this daring little pill gets to boldly go where no pill has gone before.

FAQs and concerns

Everyone Else's FAQs:

1. "How will you give up the baby?"

• Simply stated, it's not my baby. That baby belongs in the longing and loving arms of its intended parents. Of course there will be a strong connection with the child, but that is because of the strong connection I have built with its parents.

2. "How did you come to this decision?"

• It's been in the back of my mind for a while. I seriously considered it shortly after I had my own child, but Justin wasn't ready for it yet. It took some convincing, but all I really had to say was, "Look at our baby. Imagine if we couldn't have that. How empty would we feel if we couldn't hear that awesome little giggle." He was pretty much mush after that.
  
  I suppose that still doesn't answer the why. The further i am into this process, the more I will be able to answer that question. To be continued...

3. "How much money are you getting?"

• I am amazed how many people are comfortable to rudely ask this question without their brain filter catching it. I'm a pretty open person, and I really wouldn't care to tell an acquaintance my weight or how much I make at my job, but this one irritates me. A lot. Maybe because this process is about completing a family. There is a little person at stake. There is a family at stake. Surrogacy is usually a last resort and I've put a lot of pressure on myself to deliver some awesome results. And the best question these bystanders can come up with is, "How much?"
  
  My first instinct is to bark, "It's none of your G D business." After I calm that instinct, I will tell you that all of that information is readily available on pretty much every surrogacy agency website. Put in a little effort and Google it.

4. "How does that all work?"

• In my case, there is an egg donor. Her egg and one of my IP's genetic material created an embryo that is waiting for my baby tank to make a nice comfortable home. Soon, little baby embryo, soon.

My concerns:
1. How well will my family handle it?

• It's now a part of the conversation. My mom keeps getting more and more comfortable  with the task at hand, although she hasn't told any of her siblings.

  2. What should I expect for strangers reactions when they ask me about "my" baby I'm so obviously carrying?

• I didn't like the attention my own pregnancy garnered. I imagine I will like this attention even less, because I will  have to address certain reactions. It's hard to  think that the IPs can't experience that attention. To look at them, it won't be obvious to any stranger that they are expecting. I on the other hand with be having a Q&A  session in the grocery store when I just wanted to pop in for a gallon of milk. I think I may invest in one of those surrogacy T-shirts, in black of course. This lady doesn't wear white when pregnant, especially if there is a camera any where within the vicinity.

3. Failure. Multiple attempts.

• Need I say more? As difficult as it is for me, I can't imagine the agony the IPs would be experiencing. I'm trying to stay positive, but the statistics are a 50% chance of success with one embryo and around 80% with a two-embryo transfer (with standard margin of error, I'm hoping). Glass half full? The odds are just as likely to be successful so let's stay positive.

4. Postpartum

• Baby blues aren't very fun. The great thing about being a surrogate is that you don't have to stay home a feed a baby every couple hours, although I will be pumping, so it's still fairly taxing... I wonder if it is easier to dull the hormones with an anti depressant, or just leave town for a refresher. The real plan is probably keeping my baby boy home with me to keep me company and keep my mind focused.

5. Postpartum relationship

• I think every surrogate has the fear in the back of her mind that the Intended Parents just might change their minds. That the relationship they desire isn't the same as the one you desire. From their point of view it must be terrifying; they've put an amazing trust in a woman they barely know and she is carrying their child. She could go crazy and skip town with their precious cargo or a variety of other scenarios. I hope that my family becomes an extension of their family. 

6. Hero Award

• Let me be very clear. I don't think I'm special. I don't think I'm great. I think I am one person trying to put some good juju out in the world. I've already been told that I am, "amazing" and "selfless." That makes me uncomfortable. I don't think of myself that way, so it is hard to give an un-awkward response when it happens. I am excited that I get to be a part of Jason and Michael's adventure. I am the lucky one that gets to get to share their experience (yes, I know, they do get a baby out of the deal, and that is pretty lucky/special/awesome).
  
  I think, especially as Americans, we forget how big the world is. I am not well traveled, I don't have a passport (YET!!) and I get really excited when I speak to someone with a "foreign" accent. Getting the opportunity to work with international intended parents let's me link to the "outside world."
  
  I also want to set an example for Dempsey. He is much too little to understand now, but I hope one day he will be able to appreciate the idea of "paying it forward" and maybe model that behavior.
  
  So really, I'm being pretty selfish. I hope Michael and Jason are okay with that - as long as they get their little honey bee, I think they will be.

We Have a Transfer Date!

August 2!

I sent Jason and Michael this message:

 I finished the note telling them they needed to call their mothers at their earliest convenience.
Jason replied back very quickly with:

 I literally have trouble containing a huge smile every time Jason uses, "OMG." I love that reaction; it makes him seem so candid and boyish. I love it.
And here is Michael's reaction:

I laughed out loud in my cubicle at work. "Restrained Brits," such an image to upkeep... :D


It is barely more than a month away and it seems so far away!  I was excited, but their excitement sent me over the top and should carry me through the rest of the week, at least.

I DID IT!

I finished the Dirty Girl 5K obstacle run! Me along with one of my bests, Meagan.

Yes, I am aware that we don't actually look that dirty, but we were. The mud was watered down.

I don't know my time, because the awesome part about this obstacle run was that it wasn't actually timed.

I ran really good the first half of the way.
When I was running the second half I had specks of blurred vision...oops. I also got a nice war wound: a rope burn to my shin. It makes me look tough.

But, I finished and I wasn't last! That was my goal.

I'm not sure if I want to do it every year (if so, there will be pedicures immediately following the shower), but right now I'm proud that I did it. It is something I can mark off my bucket list.

I seem to be on a mission to live life to it's fullest. I want to do as much as I can, while I can. I don't want to get to the end of my road and wish I would have done something. This, in part, is where our surrogacy adventure comes in.